How The Wealthy Think

It's mind-boggling to think that it was only in 2015 when I cannon-balled into the rocky waters of entrepreneurship. 

Since then, I have gone through some of the most overwhelming highs and devastating lows of my life. I'll never forget when I saw that I was featured in Forbes for the first time, or when I was sinking in piles or debt, or when I took a private plane to a resort in South America, or when an overly zealous magazine editor told me I was "unoriginal". 

This journey is a relentless rollercoaster of puppeteers pulling at your heart strings. And sometimes, all you can do is brave the storm and muster the courage to keep swimming.

It's probably difficult for anyone who's not an entrepreneur to understand what that feels like - that addiction to a challenge or goal that most would call completely unviable.

But that feeling is the strongest internal force I have. Without mentally and emotionally stretching my creativity everyday, I am nothing.

In entrepreneurship, you are never standing still. You are either growing or fading away.

And if you want to continue growing and improving at an accelerated rate, you have to learn to transform your perspective on time.   

When I was a senior in college, a bizarre and rather disgusting thing happened to me - I got my index finger stuck in a blender and almost sliced it off. 

Within seconds of ruining my smoothie with blood and chipped nail polish, I pulled it out and wrapped my finger in a kitchen towel. My two roommates just stood there, horrified, wondering if they should call an ambulance.

After a brief discussion, we collectively decided to just superglue the dangling finger back on. The emergency room was too expensive, I thought. No one has time for that.

And while my finger eventually healed post-superglue, it took a very long time and left a prominent scar that perhaps a few stitches wouldn't have.

In that moment, I had two choices. I could have valued money, or I could have valued time.

I chose to save money, and waste time.

I now realize that when people are faced to make decisions, their values come to the surface.

Some people - the Wealthy -  value their time more than they value their money.

And others - the Poor -  value their money more than their time. 

When I say Wealthy and Poor, I'm speaking less about the status of their bank accounts and more about their mindset.

People who view the world through the lens of scarcity and limitations - Poor people - will do anything to hold onto the precious dollars they have. They'll spend years obsessing over finding the perfectly priced used car. They'll drive two hours out of the way to find a certain yogurt at a grocery store for a dollar cheaper. They'll wait a decade to go on a vacation for five days. And they'll waste months complaining about what they don't have without ever finding the time to fix it.

This mentality is rooted in the same cliches that most of us were raised with - money doesn't grow on trees, save it for a rainy day, you can find it cheaper at the Dollar Tree, etc.

But what Poor people fail to realize is that the money they have can always be made back. You can always get a new job, open up a business, or inherent a large sum from a distant uncle you've never heard of.

Making money is easy.

What they will never be able to make back is time.

And this is why Wealthy people put their precious hours above all else.

When you view the world through the lens of endless opportunity and abundance like the Wealthy do, you trust that by putting your money into opportunities that will help you grow faster, you yourself will become better.

And the better you become, the more money you will make.

That's why it's called an investment.

Time cannot be replenished, which is why it has to be strategically utilized.

But it's impossible if you spend days tinkering in activities that get you nowhere.

Endlessly reading blog posts. Searching for the cheapest solutions. Stalking Facebook groups for freebies. Contacting 100 service providers comparing prices. 

If there is something that you give your time to everyday, every week, or every month that isn't helping you produce the leverage - expertise, money, time, resources, etc - you need to succeed, then I suggest putting those tasks into the hands of someone else so that you can focus on your growth. 

If you're building an online business, for example, you should select four to five activities that push you forward and give you the experience and confidence to be more successful.

Everything else - making business cards, designing your website, writing email sequences, running your Facebook ads, etc - should go to someone who can do it better, faster.

That's what gets you ahead at lightning speed.

Not DIY-ing. Not budget-hunting. Not nickel-and-diming. But trusting that when you invest in the right opportunities, you will get your result 10 times faster. 

That's what valuing your time before money looks like.

I would say that maybe 10% of the world views the world this way. But those who do are also the most successful people on the planet.

The question is, which lens do you subscribe to? 

 


 

If you're ready to stop playing small and start seeing tangible progress in your business, let's talk about it. There's no time to waste. 

 

 

No More Mr. Nice Guy

I need to tell you something. It's my duty as your coach.

You are too polite.

You are too afraid to shake things up.

You don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

You don't want people to question your sanity or character.

It's easier to just be agreeable, brush all untapped potential under the rug, and go about your business with a smile on your face.

I get it. That used to be me.

But if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

Accelerated, transformational results come from larger-than-life action.Not hiding, not wishing, not waiting.

So, rise above the noise. Dare to think and act radically. Launch 10 steps ahead of the competition by having the audacity to communicate and own what you need instead of politely accepting what the world offers.

Do not wait for others' permission. They will not give it to you. It is your responsibility to push yourself out of your comfort zone, take massive and scary action, and witness the change take place.

Here's to ditching the Mr. Nice Guy act and unapologetically pursuing what we actually need to win. Ready?

The Recipe for a 5-Star Life

This week, if you want to achieve a lifestyle built on abundance, try to stay present with these ideas...

1. You are stronger and more resilient than you think. Yes, you will be faced with endless criticism and doubts from those around you (and yourself), but it's a mistake to be afraid of it. Face it. Challenge it. Move on from it. It really is that simple. People's opinions do not define you and cannot hurt you (unless you allow them to).

2. Challenge yourself to develop a positive relationship with money by using it to enable personal empowerment, growth, and transformation. Do not use it (or hoard it) out of fear. Remember that cash is energy - it's intended to be used for good, not for stress or "rainy days". This week, spend money on something you normally wouldn't but will help you grow -- maybe that's buying a new planner, signing up for an online course, buying a conference ticket, hiring a personal trainer, or buying a new coffee machine. (Or, maybe it's applying for 90-Day Success Accelerator ;) ). But whatever it is, stop hoarding. When you spend money in positive ways, more money comes back to you. Trust.

3. You can have anything you want in life. The opportunities are literally endless. If you would have told me that one day I'd have a personal chef, a personal trainer, a masseuse, a massively successful online business and team, a brand new high-rise apartment I never thought I'd be able to afford, multiple exotic international vacations a year, and the fiance of my dreams, I would have told you that you were absurd. I wasn't raised with this stuff. No one "gave me permission" to do this. But I consciously chose to ignore that traditional advice and discovered the secrets and systems to have this business and lifestyle.You can too. But it will require you to be open-minded, to think differently, and to proactively seek the guidance of those who have what you want. But the only thing stopping you from having it right now is your own mindset.

Stay focused this week. I'm rooting for you.

How to Achieve Anything You Want

I wanted to give you some exciting updates...

I am...

  1. Flying to California tonight
  2. Speaking at an event in San Francisco in a week
  3. Honeymooning in...(gonna keep this one a surprise 😉)
  4. Speaking on a cruise to Mexico later this year
  5. AND it's confirmed: I'm speaking in BALI in November!

Come at me, frequent flyer miles.

Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking.

"Yeah, but you're...you, Lena. I can't land international speaking gigs. I can't eat at cruise buffets for free and swim with elephants in tropical locations and get paid to fly around the world. It's just not possible."

Here's what I'm gonna recommend you do to rewire that brain of yours and see what's truly possible for you and all of your elephant-related desires:

1. The people who land opportunities like this are those who still fully believe that ANYTHING is possible, even when all signs point to No Way in Hell. This requires persistence, faith, not giving an eff about what your mom or boyfriend has to say about "being realistic", and a heavy dose of unapologetic balls-to-the-walls action. Achieving the unachievable starts with shifting your BELIEFS, and once you successfully do that, your reality changes as well.

2. You have to want your dreams more than you want your drama. No more excuses, no more fear, no more self-victimizing. Your confidence, skills, and general badassery will naturally explode when you take action toward your goals anyway, so it's really a temporary problem. So ditch the sob story and instead become obsessed with what you WANT. What you focus on becomes your reality, whether good or bad.

3. Do whatever it takes to learn from people who have already done it. Stop going out to brunch with the same five high school friends who, since the age of 12, have been complaining about how broke they are and how fat they are and how there are just no good guys in the city. Find people who are solely obsessed with (and are constantly achieving) greatness - landing big speaking opportunities, traveling the world, building wealth, etc. You will get there 100 times faster if you learn directly from THEM instead of tackling this life transformation on your own.

Hope to see you somewhere tropical soon...

War on Mediocrity: 4 Mindset Shifts Essential For Success

You know that moment in life when you finally realize that most people are wallowing in mediocrity?

I do. I was working in my first ever post-college job and I saw “grown adults” in their 40’s and 50’s earning slightly more than I was.

They had been working there ten, fifteen, some even thirty years, with everyday being the same 9 to 6 schedule. The same suits. The same cubicles. The same paycheck. The same break room small chat.

Shortly before I quit, I sat down with a trusted coworker and asked her “You’ve been working here 10 years. How do you deal with the boringness of it all?”

Her response surprised me. She said that I was that I was ungrateful, that this was a “good, stable job” and this is just “how life is”. You commute to work, you commute home, you pay your taxes, you spend time with your family, you eventually move out to the suburbs, and then you die.

That was the genius “game plan” that I’d spend my life in school preparing for.

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And there it was staring me straight in the face for the first time ever: the product of a mainstream mediocrity.

I then vowed to not only reject a mediocre lifestyle, but also a “good” one. I needed exceptional. Exciting. Transformative. Legacy-worthy.

And here I am, many years later, with a truly remarkable business that improves the lives of thousands around the world. This is the product of denying mediocrity.

Here are the four core mindset shifts that every exceptional entrepreneur has had to make in order to reach massive success and abundance in their businesses and lives:

 

1. The victim mentality must be left at the door

We were raised to be grade-A complainers. I remember blaming everything from my grades to my athletic ability to my job on someone or something else, whether it was genetics, teachers or a bad sleep schedule.

I couldn’t “own” anything, and no one made me. This is where “victim mentality” begins for most adults, disabling any opportunity to evolve, improve, and succeed.

True leadership requires you to unwire that mentality and think from a place of “I get to do this” instead of “I got to do this”. It demands that you be a person of solutions, not roadblocks, and approach situations from a place of gratitude instead of resentment.

And, most importantly, it truly challenges you to take responsibility for not only your actions and choices but others’. As a leader, employer, partner and role model, you have to accept that the moves you make have a ripple effect onto those who admire you. So when they make mistakes, it is unproductive to address the surface level problem, but instead, you should look at the root - you - and see what you could have done better to have a better influence.

All successful entrepreneurs have decided that they are responsible to create their reality. Not their bosses, not their parents, not their partners. Them. And when you can truly begin to approach your life and business from a place of ownership and action instead of passivity and blame, you will realize that you’re capable of achieving just about anything.

 

2. Self-punishment is unproductive

When people slack off, don’t follow their diets or procrastinate on big projects, they tend to subconsciously punish themselves. Think about it - we’ve all been in moments where we don’t allow ourselves to go out for dinner with friends, we don’t dress as nicely to work, we run mundane tasks just to feel more “productive”, and we don’t even care when someone calls us out on it.

It’s because we’re punishing ourselves and telling ourselves that we don’t “deserve” to enjoy life when we’re underperforming in other categories.

But young entrepreneurs realize that self-care - versus self-neglect - is an essential ingredient to their success. And it’s their responsibility as leaders to not only think about their own journeys, but how their actions will influence the journeys of others as well.

Growing a business requires any entrepreneur to show up as their best selves every day. The money they make, the audience they grow, and the legacy they build depends on it. But it’s impossible to do that without putting self-care at the top of the priority list. Subconscious self-punishment is natural but is also an unproductive habit that any person bound for success needs to expel from their lifestyle immediately.

So, take the time to do your hair in the morning. Exercise. Get a massage. Travel. These “indulgent” activities will skyrocket your growth. Trust.

 

3. Money is your friend

As a millennial entrepreneur, there is nothing that I encounter more in this community than money drama. It’s infectious. Everyone seems to have some personal vendetta against their bank accounts, their price points, their expenses, and their paychecks. Something about it nicks people at their core, spilling out all kinds of insecurities, frustrations, stresses, and pain.

And I get it. If you were raised in a family or community where sayings like “Money doesn’t grow on trees”, “More money, more problems” or simply “We can’t afford that!” it naturally instills a scarcity mindset that associates wealth with “bad”.

But successful entrepreneurs challenge themselves to develop a positive relationship with money by using it to enable personal empowerment, growth, and transformation. They do not use it (or hoard it) out of fear. Remember that cash is energy - it's intended to be used for good, not for stress or "rainy days".

And when you manage to get out of the scarcity mindset and realize that there is unlimited money in the world that is on its way to you right now, your life will transform.

This week, spend money on something you normally wouldn't but will help you grow - maybe that's buying a new planner, signing up for an online course, buying a conference ticket, hiring a personal trainer, or buying a new coffee machine. But whatever it is, stop hoarding. When you spend money in positive ways, more money comes back to you.

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4. Don’t take it personally

There are statistics that say that 90 percent of new businesses fail in their first year. If this is the case, I would accredit most of it to personal insecurity and pain.

The key to getting through the first year of business and every other milestone along the way is to realize that the criticism, doubt, and unsolicited advice that others share with you is not personal. But so many entrepreneurs are trapped in the “this business is my baby” mentality instead of “this is a money-making machine” mentality, therefore, the business crumbles.

The most resilient, unshakable entrepreneurs I know have consciously separated their personal feelings from their businesses. Yes, negativity in the form of client feedback, industry criticism, or a simple lack of sales can be devastating for a business owner. But it's a mistake to be afraid of those occurrences. Face it. Challenge it. Solve it. Move on from it. It really is that simple.

A rule of thumb that has transformed my business is to only take advice from those who have already been where I’m trying to go. Not my friends, not my parents, not my community. It would be easy to succumb to that criticism. But I choose to only listen and act on the feedback of those who have surpassed my success, and even that I do not take personally. It’s business. It isn’t your character, your values or your personality. It’s simply a money-making machine. Remember that.
 

 

Growing up, we were conditioned to believe a number of fallacies that prevent most from producing remarkable work in their lives. It’s a shame, but luckily, these ideas can be reprogrammed. If you are serious about skyrocketing your influence, your income, and your impact, you have to evaluate your belief system and be open to adopting new ideas that feel uncomfortable. But you cannot build an empire without building the foundation first. Master your mind, and master your business.

The Top 2018 Travel Adventures For Every Single Millennial

You should be grateful that I already planned out your year for you.

2017 was a massive year in terms of millennial travel and the beginning of a new era of digital nomads. I travel for my soul, for the adventure, and for the endless stories that I’ll be able to tell afterwards. Here are some of the best travel destinations for people who are looking for just that and a little extra. I got your back with some stunning spots with great views to help you relax, refuel, and that offer you endless amounts of places to get your work done from.

1. Helsinki, Finland

As we all know, Iceland is THE shit. You’ve got your hot springs, beautiful women, and some GOT fire and ice vibes, but everyone’s been there and now Helsinki is the place to be. There are so many things to do in Helsinki, whether it be the museums, the design district, or a day trip to one of the few small towns in the area, a weekend just won’t be enough.

Relaxation Vacation  @loylyhelsinki

Founded by actor Jasper Pääkkönen, who plays Halfdan on the History Channel’s TV series Vikings, Löyly is a high class take on the traditional Finnish sauna experience. The sauna relaxation rooms are designed with classic Scandinavian minimalist architecture in mind and are truly divine and luxurious.

Culture Trip @thefinnishmuseumofphotography @detailsofhelsinki

Helsinki is home to some of the most well designed museums in the world and it would be a shame not to visit at least one of them. The Finnish Museum of Photography has a mind boggling amount of photography made my Fins from all ages and backgrounds.

Cool Kids #kallioblockparty

Kallio is the hip bohemian hub of Finland for all who are into craft beer, vintage shops, summer time park sits, or even just window shopping. Try and go at the end of August and you might be able to catch the biggest block party in the neighborhood.

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2. Baden Baden, Germany

Forget the classic image of beer bellied Germans bathing in public hot bath water, Baden Baden is the hot spring spa center for chic German and international millennials. The city is small but mighty, fostering a full casino, boxing gym, extravagant hotels, and its own airport. In the spring and summer the local river that runs through the town brings great bird watching and a perfect atmosphere to sit at a waterside bar and try their local beer.  Check out the city’s instagram page for some travel inspiration

Caffeinate Yourself Fb: Café König

Take a break at the famous Kaffee König which has the most heavenly pastries and indulgent cakes you’re ever seen. You’ll recognize the shop by the minimalistic sign, sweet French patisserie look, and line out the door!

Soak Your Bones 📍Caracalla Therme

There’s no better place to poolside lounge than at the Caracalla Spa. They have outdoor pools, saunas, and are even clothing optional! If you’re into a truly nakey experience then head to the Friedrichsbad baths for a quiet soak in your birthday suit underneath 19th century architecture with an addition of a body scrub down and lotion.

Santa Claus Love  @citybadenbaden #christmasmarket

The traditional Baden Baden Christmas Market only is open from November until the end of December but if you’re into Christmas cheer this place will help you celebrate your holiday love all year round. Sip warm mulled cider while you buy literally everything Christmas related that has ever existed for the creepy Santa shrine in your basement (because I know it’s not just me).

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3. Tel Aviv, Israel

I’m partial to Tel Aviv because I live in Israel and I love a good weekend of sunshine-y Friday afternoon drinking among some of the most beautiful people you’ve ever seen in your life, but I think it’s an objective fact that this Mediterranean hotspot is high up on everyone’s travel list. You want it? TLV has it: Sick night clubs, a stunning beach that’s always a walk away, great bars, even better eateries, and great tanning weather! You can rent a tel-o-fun bike on almost every street corner or check out the city by foot, but what’s for sure is that you won’t be disappointed.

Vegans Unite Fb: Anastasia אנסטסיה

Cafe Anastasia has the whole “outdoor-succulent filled-LA-vegan” thing going on and it’s food is seriously good! Aside from normal table seating there’s a floor pillow area and a great laptop counter work space, so come hungry and ready to potentially wait in line for a good spot.

Photo Worthy Spots #nevetzedek

You must visit the gorgeous Neve Tzedek with its cream washed buildings and low overhanging bougainvillea. The streets are lined with quaint boutiques, small art stores, and the occasional street musician. Just rethink wearing heels because you might find it hard to walk on some of the quaint cobblestone streets.  

Drink Up @bellboycocktails

Grab a happy hour drink at The Bellboy but come dressed the part. They’ve got serious a speakeasy vibe going on with their intimate bar space and cocktails served in things like palm sized bathtubs or with a smoking pinecone on the side.

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4. Havana, Cuba

*cue “Havana Social Club”  in the background*

We’ve all seen those stunning instagram shots of beautiful woman in bright clothes casually leaning on vibrant 50’s cars, but what you don’t see are the crowds of salsa dancers on the street, graffiti artists tagging every corner, and hipsters galore.

Eat Me #eldelfrente

The lobster tacos at El Del Frente are a must! The restaurant has a menu of Carribean/Cuban seafood fusion, as well as great staff and mango mojitos to die for so come  The entrance is somewhat hard to find but once you climb up the small staircase you’ll feel right at home at hands down one of the best restaurants in Havana.

Booty Shakin  #callejondehamel

Callejon de Hamel is the afro-cuban hub and neighborhood in Havana that has street performers, live rumba music, and loads of dancing. Salvador Gonzáles, a local artist, covered every wall in the neighborhood with either shells, graffiti, paintings, or glitter, which makes it a prime photo stop. The music starts every Sunday at around noon and the dancing is infectious!  When I went there it a local man even said to me “Mami, you shake your booty like a Cuban”!

Get Tatted @lamarcabodyart

Check out this ground breaking social movement hub filled with artists, revolutionaries, and some of the coolest people you’ve ever met. Not only do they tattoo but they hold concerts, art shows, and will take you out for a drink if you’re cool enough to kick it. You can follow them on instagram.

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5. Halong Bay, Vietnam

Fancy a cruise among massive water locked rock formations? Kayaking and SUPing in some of the most beautiful jade waters you’ve ever seen? If that speaks to you then Halong Bay, a famous UNESCO World Heritage Site, is the place because it's cheap, accessible, and only now starting to get popular so get your butts over there ASAP!

Off The Beaten Path #hospitalcave

On the Island of Cat Ba there is a “Hospital Cave”, Hang Quan Y,  from the time of the Vietnam war, that has a hospital built into it which now houses an eerie museum with dimmed lighting and great acoustics. Definitely worth the day trip into the Vietnamese nature...if you’re willing to be totally creeped out by the ghostly creeks in the cave…

I’m On A Boat #halongbaycruise

A multitude of small local cruise ships do outdoor activity day trips, booze cruises, or just sail around and anchor themselves on private beaches for tanning. There are also luxury cruise ships that go above and beyond for their customers and give you one hell of a trip to remember with experiences like private beach BBQs, champagne at sunset, and breathtaking views that not all get to see.

Rock My World #deepwatersolo  📍Halong Bay

If you’re the adventurous type, try doing a free water solo climbing experience (you can also just plain old rock climb too) while on mountain faces that drop straight into warm gulf water!

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Each of these 5 places have something uniquely special about them that you won’t find anywhere else and it’s up to you to find them this coming year!

So what do ya say...did I succeed in planting the travel bug in ya?

See a place you like? Want more advice? I’m your address for any travel help you need so hit me up on Instagram or Facebook and we’ll set your plans in action!

 

Rio Cheyenne Blue

Professional Traveler and Adventure Seeker

@rio.cheyenne

riocheyenne@gmail.com

Top Recommended Tools: October 2017

 

LISTED PRODUCTS WITH LINKS:

*Email Marketing Software: ConvertKit

*Landing Page / Funnel Software: Leadpages

*Grammar / Spelling Checker: Grammarly

*Social Proof Plug-In: Proof

*Payment Processor: SamCart

*Facebook Group Growth: Engage with Purpose

*iPhone Filming: iKross Tripod for iPhones

Webinar Hosting: Zoom

iPhone 8 plus 64 GB

*Online Scheduler: Acuity

Funnel Timer Software: Deadline Funnel

Headphones: Panasonic ErgoFit In-Ear Earbuds

Video: Canon Camera Package

*Screen Recording: Telestream

iMovie

Marketing Automation Software: Zapier

Task Organization Tool: Asana

Graphic Design Tool: Canva

High-Quality Free Stock Photos: Unsplash

Website Platform: Squarespace

3 Bite-Sized Weekend Reads

But with nonstop travel, distractions and unpredictable wifi, the one thing that always keeps me connected to my work is reading. More than Facebook groups, online courses, YouTube or newsletters, good old fashioned books are what allow me to challenge my beliefs, expand my understanding of the online marketing space, birth new ideas for my business and provide more valuable content for you.

You can often get more insight from a $10 book than a $1K online course, so why millennials avoid them like the plague is beyond me.

Here are three super short (but crazy valuable) books that you should pick up and read this weekend. Enjoy!

The Purple Cow

 

This is one of Seth Godin's older books, but it's just as relevant and powerful as ever. If you're looking to stop being just another service provider and instead become a remarkable powerhouse in your industry, pick up this tiny book of wisdom. You won't regret it.

The Conversion Code

 

This book is a brilliant blend of marketing strategy and sales tactics. Perfect for both the beginner and the experienced entrepreneur, The Conversion Code will walk you through step-by-step how to bring more people into your tribe on autopilot and seamlessly close them as clients.

 

Tribes: We Need You To Lead Us

 

Another Seth Godin work of art. Tribes is perfect for those looking to build loyal, enthusiastic advocates for their brand and become lifelong leaders in their space. If you're on the influencer train, this book is a must-have.

Happy Friday!

 

The Secret to Building A Relationship With Anyone

Do you ever find yourself throwing your arms up in their and asking everyone in your proximity, “What is WRONG with people?!

I know I do. And if you’re a fellow breathing human being, I’m guessing you’ve also been confronted with the reality of people’s shittiness.

In fact, just this morning, I spent thirty minutes of my precious time talking to my least favorite type of person: the freebie hoarder.

If you’re an entrepreneur, you know who I’m talking about: that guy who relentlessly seeks free insights, content and advice from you without ever having the intention of paying for your products and services. And while most of the time I’m a pro at avoiding these people, today, one of them trapped me into a 30 minute conversation about her struggling coaching business.

In this moment, it would have been easy for me to throw my arms up in the air, punch a nearby wall, scream “What is WRONG with people?!” and allow it to ruin my day. But in this moment, I took a deep breath, and had a huge realization:

I cannot change the way that this person acts. But what I can do is choose to see them through a different lens and naturally reap the rewards.

Of course, this woman isn’t someone who drastically impacts my day-to-day. But more often than not, millennials are faced with with complex, negative, inflexible perceptions of those close to us that are drastically impacting our businesses and lives (without even realizing it!).

For example, maybe your business partner is a grade A flake who only follows through on half of his responsibilities. In result, you’re resentful and feel completely overworked.

Maybe your client is a total nagger who demands far more from you than you ever agreed to. So in result, you spread yourself too thin and miss opportunities to work with clients who will actually appreciate you.

Maybe your mom is harassing you about going to grad school when all you really want to do is focus on your business. In result, you feel guilty about your work and hide it from the world.

Maybe your own ego is telling you that you aren’t good enough to sign high-paying clients, and in result, you remain penniless.

Here’s what it comes down to: When we’re subconsciously stuck in these negative perceptions of others, we are setting ourselves up to under perform. We fail to be the best partners, business owners, friends, and children we can be. And worst of all, we’re hindering ourselves from building relationships with those who matter most.

If you’re struggling in your relationships and perceptions of others, here are some things that you cannot do:

  • Build relationships with top editors who will open the gates to getting published
  • Reach out to fellow entrepreneurs for mutually beneficial partnerships
  • Attract the right people into your tribe who will fawn over your work
  • Sign 5-figure clients every month without effort
  • Get invited to speaking engagements and live events

Why? Because when you’re glued to the idea that people are rude, selfish, close-minded, cheap, etc, you positioning them (and yourself) to fail.

It’s time that we start viewing our relationships as the foundation of our businesses. Hitting consistent $20K months or having 100,000 followers is not about any single marketing strategy, growth hack, or ad platform. It’s about accepting and understanding that everyone can get better, any relationship can be mended, and any new relationship can be formed if you simply gave it the chance to do so.

If you’re struggling with fixing and building relationships that will help you grow, here are three steps to start with:

1. Identify three people who you’re struggling with (one of these people could be yourself)

2. Write out the reasons that the relationship isn’t working

3. Make notes of:

  1. Which of these are facts, and which are opinions? (You’ll find that 99% are opinions)

  2. Which of these opinions are worth reconsidering? Choose 2.

  3. How are these opinions making the situation more challenging, thus hurting my business?

  4. Which opinions, if changed, would positively affect things and make my business grow?

If you’re struggling with mending and building relationships that matter, this isn’t something that can be pushed off. This is the foundation of your business and needs to be addressed now. What are you going to do about it?










 

To The Controlling Entrepreneur

Whenever I sit down to write, I struggle with the same question: Is this an opportunity to write from the perspective of the online marketing me? Or should I talk about the "regular" me? What does my audience need to hear right now? What can I share that will help them? 

Nine times out of ten, I opt for the former. My community needs both inspirational and practical advice to build their businesses, I tell myself. They don't need to know about what's going on beneath that.

I think that part of it has always been a subconscious understanding that writing about my personal life's trials and tribulations is dangerous. Admitting that I don't have the answers to everything could lesson my community's respect for me, or make them question if I'm someone worth following. "If this girl is screwing up, why should I believe in her as a thought leader?"

Essentially, somewhere along the line, I decided that hiding the fact that I'm a real human would make me more interesting to my audience. And that's fucked up.

So I'm just going to say it. I'm having a really hard time with something. And that something is control.

When I was in college, I struggled with a severe eating disorder that led to multiple health complications. It consumed every minute of every day for several years, and that obsession naturally spilled over into other aspects of my life.

During this difficult time, I went on a vacation with my parents and brother. And instead of enjoying Hawaii and the limited time I had with my family, I made the entire trip's focus on food. Not just the food that I was expected to eat, but on my younger brother's eating habits as well.

I was awful to him. Every time he would order something like pizza in a restaurant, I would scold him about how he should have ordered a salad. When he asked my mom if we could go out for ice cream, I'd shame him for making such poor choices. Every time he even brought up food, I found a way to bully him out of it. 

Keep in mind that he was only 11 at the time.

Many people would ask, "If it was your eating disorder and your issue with your own body, why would you put that on someone else?"

Because when I'm obsessed with something, I truly believe that everyone should be. It's not out of spite or anger. It's from a place of being fully consumed by something much bigger than myself and my inherent fear of it. 

Over the past few years, I have put my whole heart into building my business. From the first minute, I dove deep into every book, course, program, and online resource I could find on digital entrepreneurship. This evolving world consumed me too, but in a much more positive and healthy way.

But with the excitement that comes from creating something from scratch and pushing myself beyond my comfort zone, I began (and continue) to worry. I worry that what I'm doing isn't enough. That I'll say something my followers won't like. That I'll lose their trust. That I'm ten times behind some other entrepreneur. That things will begin to grow too fast and I'll lose control. That things will slow down and soon thistle out. 

And this is when the need for control kicks in. Tagging along closely behind are always judgment, impatience, and close mindedness.

Suddenly, nothing matters other than having this control over work. And if anyone's actions or goals don't align with that, I begin to judge or question them.

Last week, my boyfriend told me that he was thinking of getting his PhD and becoming a professor. Instead of supporting him with his idea and encouraging him to pursue it, I snapped and said "That doesn't really align with our goal of being digital nomads, does it?"

What I forgot in that moment was that being an online entrepreneur is my goal. It isn't his. He is his own person with his own dreams and plans. But out of my own insecurities and stresses about my future, I put that negativity on him. 

Similarly, when someone from the Go-Getter community tells me that they're still trying to overcome self-doubt and fear in starting their business when they told me the same exact thing eight months ago, I lose it. How come they aren't pushing themselves harder? Why are they not more focused? How come they're still stuck? They have every resource available to them to make it happen. They must just not want it badly enough. 

It's mean, aggressive, black and white, and totally uncalled for. It makes me feel like a bully.

Breaking through this internal block is something that I'm working on. And it needs to come from a place of trust, compartmentalization, and a focus on the now.

Ask yourself right now, what are things that you can control in your business?

  • Your products and services
  • Your content
  • Your marketing strategy
  • Your client work
  • Your interactions with your community

What you can't control:

  • How others react to those elements
  • What others think of you
  • Who wants to hire you
  • Whether that Entrepreneur editor will email you back or not
  • The exact amount of income you'll drive over the next year

And I find that when I'm focused on what I can control right now instead of worrying about things that have spun out of control in the past or things that might go wrong in the future, my head is clearer. And with a clearer head, I can make better decisions.

For a second, fuck your business. Fuck your goals. Fuck your plans. None of it will matter if you allow your brain to destroy you from the inside.

It's time to run an inventory on your mind. What parts need to be deleted and what parts need more attention? How can you clear through the cobwebs to finally discover the contempt, self-acceptance, and clarity you've been looking for?

Only then can you truly move forward.