The Secret to Building A Relationship With Anyone

Do you ever find yourself throwing your arms up in their and asking everyone in your proximity, “What is WRONG with people?!

I know I do. And if you’re a fellow breathing human being, I’m guessing you’ve also been confronted with the reality of people’s shittiness.

In fact, just this morning, I spent thirty minutes of my precious time talking to my least favorite type of person: the freebie hoarder.

If you’re an entrepreneur, you know who I’m talking about: that guy who relentlessly seeks free insights, content and advice from you without ever having the intention of paying for your products and services. And while most of the time I’m a pro at avoiding these people, today, one of them trapped me into a 30 minute conversation about her struggling coaching business.

In this moment, it would have been easy for me to throw my arms up in the air, punch a nearby wall, scream “What is WRONG with people?!” and allow it to ruin my day. But in this moment, I took a deep breath, and had a huge realization:

I cannot change the way that this person acts. But what I can do is choose to see them through a different lens and naturally reap the rewards.

Of course, this woman isn’t someone who drastically impacts my day-to-day. But more often than not, millennials are faced with with complex, negative, inflexible perceptions of those close to us that are drastically impacting our businesses and lives (without even realizing it!).

For example, maybe your business partner is a grade A flake who only follows through on half of his responsibilities. In result, you’re resentful and feel completely overworked.

Maybe your client is a total nagger who demands far more from you than you ever agreed to. So in result, you spread yourself too thin and miss opportunities to work with clients who will actually appreciate you.

Maybe your mom is harassing you about going to grad school when all you really want to do is focus on your business. In result, you feel guilty about your work and hide it from the world.

Maybe your own ego is telling you that you aren’t good enough to sign high-paying clients, and in result, you remain penniless.

Here’s what it comes down to: When we’re subconsciously stuck in these negative perceptions of others, we are setting ourselves up to under perform. We fail to be the best partners, business owners, friends, and children we can be. And worst of all, we’re hindering ourselves from building relationships with those who matter most.

If you’re struggling in your relationships and perceptions of others, here are some things that you cannot do:

  • Build relationships with top editors who will open the gates to getting published
  • Reach out to fellow entrepreneurs for mutually beneficial partnerships
  • Attract the right people into your tribe who will fawn over your work
  • Sign 5-figure clients every month without effort
  • Get invited to speaking engagements and live events

Why? Because when you’re glued to the idea that people are rude, selfish, close-minded, cheap, etc, you positioning them (and yourself) to fail.

It’s time that we start viewing our relationships as the foundation of our businesses. Hitting consistent $20K months or having 100,000 followers is not about any single marketing strategy, growth hack, or ad platform. It’s about accepting and understanding that everyone can get better, any relationship can be mended, and any new relationship can be formed if you simply gave it the chance to do so.

If you’re struggling with fixing and building relationships that will help you grow, here are three steps to start with:

1. Identify three people who you’re struggling with (one of these people could be yourself)

2. Write out the reasons that the relationship isn’t working

3. Make notes of:

  1. Which of these are facts, and which are opinions? (You’ll find that 99% are opinions)

  2. Which of these opinions are worth reconsidering? Choose 2.

  3. How are these opinions making the situation more challenging, thus hurting my business?

  4. Which opinions, if changed, would positively affect things and make my business grow?

If you’re struggling with mending and building relationships that matter, this isn’t something that can be pushed off. This is the foundation of your business and needs to be addressed now. What are you going to do about it?